Transformation

"My poses are my prayers" -BKS Iyengar

Shiva Rea: Classical Sun Salutation

One of the beauties of yoga practice is that it shows us the comfort of time, the joy we can find in gradual change.  If we practice, just a little bit even, each day, miracles start happening...we can suddenly hold crow pose or handstand, our toes are just a little bit closer...we can see and feel ourselves melting into the space around us...the lines of life becoming blurrier, limits fading.  

These changes do not usually occur as sudden revelations.  This makes so many fresh yogis stuck along the path (including me).  So many yoga trainings advertise "transformation".  It is so true that yoga has the power to transform.  This transformation is not sudden though, and you will always find glimpses of that pre-yoga self, sneaking up during traffic jams and long family vacations.  

I remember my first yoga training at Asheville Yoga Center.  My biggest fear at the time, coming from a place of true honesty, was how I was going to give up drinking for my 30 day intensive training.  Only 30 days.  I was not an alcoholic, and I am not an alcoholic.  I did and still do sometimes equate drinking with having a really good time, embracing life, being social.  I still struggle with my deeper feelings that not drinking makes me awkward, uncool.  This is not my imagination, so many of us feel and project this on others, most often unconsciously.  

I loved yoga instantly, and despite my fears of being unworthy because of the many vices I began this practice with...I continued.  There have been many pauses in my path,  sometimes weeks long.  Something always draws me back to my practice.  And my practice is always there, waiting for me patiently...ready to be loving/kind/accepting of whatever shape I'm in when I return.  Thich Nhat Hanh has said, "To not practice is to practice"  and I have felt what he means. To return is a beautiful reminder of why I began in the first place.  

With time, my desires have changed.  I don't always feel that I have made a conscious choice to stop drinking regularly, that it just happened.  I stopped wanting to.  This transformation took a while, but it happened.  I will still have a drink every now and then, usually socially with friends, but I learn each time that I prefer my new self to the old.  

I am not making a judgement about anyone, yogi or otherwise, who drinks alcohol.  I'm not saying you should stop, I'm merely telling my own experience, my own transformation. 

It is this transformation that makes me so excited to participate in the Yoga for Recovery events in Asheville.  The most recent event was a 108 sun salutations fundraiser at Asheville Yoga Center on Dec 22nd.

Some of you who are a little bit closer to me know that my boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic.  He stopped drinking three years ago, but I know it is still a daily struggle. 

I dedicated my sun salutations to Kevin.  I held his face and the feeling of his soul close to my heart with each  salute, saluting both the "sun" and my love for him and hope/belief that he can keep his resolve, hoping that my sweat could bring about a purer less conflicted state in his own struggles and in the world. 

What a beautiful tradition...these sun salutations.  Traditions and practice have an ability to add so much deeper meaning to our lives.  Each time I rose my hands to the sky to begin a new cycle represented for me a new day, a day free of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty.  A day free of the binds that addiction places around the hearts of so many.  

Those in recovery do not have the luxury to hope yoga transforms them gradually...there must be a revelation , a decision.  However, yoga can teach them the resolve to stick to their intentions, can teach them to look inside and face their demons over and over again within the safety of their mat.  It can show them that their mat is always there, will always be there for them to return to, despite the shape they're in mentally/emotionally/physically.  Yoga will always be forgiving and ready to meet you where you are, and this is what I think those struggling with addiction need to know...the journey continues.  Keep practicing and you will be transformed.  

May we all continue to grow in wisdom and understanding.