Light on the Other Side of the Tunnel

Some Sunday evening magic found in the Magic City: 

Sunset at Railroad Park, downtown Birmingham 

Hand-to-big-toe in the Magical Magic City Tunnel, downtown Birmingham

Triangle Pose in the Magical Magic City tunnel, downtown Birmingham

Twisted Side Angle in Railroad Park, downtown Birmingham

My Benny jumping in on the yoga action with Crow Pose, Railroad Park in Birmingham, AL

This is Where I Belong

This is Where I Belong

I love my new shirt by @holdfastprintworks. It reminds me that wherever I go in my day, that's where I belong.  This motto reminds me of my goal to be at home in all places by being truly present from one moment to the next.  It's an especially challenging goal after my recent move.  I have realized that when I long to be somewhere else, my energy becomes scattered. 

It took me a long time to convince myself that I belonged at the front of a yoga class, as a teacher. There have been so many doubts and questions about whether I practice enough, whether I am wise enough, etc.  

Now I know the trick to being a good teacher is simply to be present and stay focused on my students-- learn to look beyond my own self doubts.  When I manage this, I feel completely at home.  

Co-exist: Day 3 of #100daysofhappiness

Gluten Free cardamom donut from Urban Standard in downtown Birmingham, AL

I'm only on Day 3, and already I'm coming up against the feeling that this #100daysofhappiness challenge is a little false, a pretense. These days are tough right now, and I often feel like the sunlight is dimmer than it used to be and sad, grieving tears are an every day occurrence.  I miss home, it's hard to say goodbye to the life I lived so fully in Asheville.    Even as I look around and find a thousand reasons to be grateful, I can't shake the heavy blanket on my shoulders. 

I can still smile as I bite into the blueberry cardamom donut I found in a coffee shop and sigh with pleasure as I watch the play of light on green grass as I sit in a park.  Within me is the deep joy of finding a man who loves me resoundingly and the unconditional friendship of my sweet husky.  Yet it's there, the sadness.  Along with it-- the shame, the guilt. Why can't I be grateful for what I have?  Why isn't it ever enough? 

The fight against my oncoming depression is to stay busy.  I organize, I clean, I make dates with people I hope desperately will be my new friends. I take up running.

It started to take me over last weekend.  When one of my new friends announced she's moving.  She's going to design school in Atlanta.  I shrugged the seeping, oozing sense of fear I felt on hearing this news off.  It doesn't matter, I barely know her--I'll meet so many new people!  But the next day, another friend I have in Birmingham said she's moving to Texas for a great job opportunity. 

I'm thrilled for both of them, truly I am.  But suddenly, the small progress I made towards what matters most to me-- friendship-- is gone.   The loss of these new friends felt a thousand times magnified as the faces of all my friends that I could depend on, that I saw so regularly in Asheville came to mind.

Suddenly, I felt so alone.  

Then Ben went out of town.  He had to go for work and I chose to stay in our apartment and work on some tasks that I felt needed a long bout of concentration-- my website, my business cards, my blog, my resume, etc. All the very time consuming and focused tasks that come with moving your own business to a new town. 

Frustration.  Why should I start over?  Will teaching yoga ever really pay off?  Will my often very soft voice be heard among the loud funky fun playlists in hot classes and rumble of trains that make up this new town? 

These last few days I question everything. For the hundredth time since I taught my first yoga class, I wonder why I'm doing it.  I teach today, at 4.  No one showed up to my class on Tuesday.  I expect that, it's going to happen.  But I'd be lying if I said it doesn't affect me.  

Yet at the same time, I know I won't stop.  I know it way deep inside me, that the passion I have for teaching, for connecting with other people in this special way--is deeply important to me.  

So is this challenge a waste of time?  Does everyone who sees these pictures want to roll their eyes?  Do they see that behind these single moments in my day, I'm struggling to stay passionate?  

Last night, I crumpled to my knees against the cupboards in the kitchen, curled up with my head between my knees.  I wasn't thinking-- just feeling again the weight of change, the grief of letting go of one chapter of my life to start another.  I looked up and saw the brightly colored hand towels I bought the other day, I saw the herbs sitting prettily on the windowsill. I was happy--yet sad.

Finding beauty in our lives is useful-- it doesn't mean the pain and heartache, the suffering of everyday life disappears. It all co-exists.  

So maybe this challenge isn't a pretense?  Maybe I can find moments of happiness even as I struggle?  And don't you want to know I can?    

Clean crisp sheet spread on a shady spot in the park with a good book.

In Response to the Article "6 Reasons to Stop Obsessing Over Alignment in Yoga Class"

Below, guest writer and fellow Asheville yoga teacher, Ryan Conrad, responds to the recent article on Yogananymous, "6 Reasons to Stop Obsessing Over Alignment in Yoga Class" .  Ryan maintains a sustained, daily practice of Iyengar-influenced alignment-based yoga, is a doctor of physical therapy, and teaches regular (very popular) classes at One Center Yoga Sundays 10-11:30 (All levels) and Tuesdays 4-5:30 (Intermediate Level II/III). He also is on staff for the teacher trainings at Asheville Yoga Center and assists in Lillah Schwartz's 500 hour teacher training as a mentor. Ryan has been a consistent friend and mentor in my own journey as a student and teacher.  I can't thank him enough for his insight, careful direction and expertise.

Drawing by R. Brook Priddy Conrad

It is possible to have a asana practice that is purely physical, where one sweats, stretches and strengthens the body. However, when one is truly practicing yogic asana within the constructs of ashtanga yoga, or the 8 limbed path to union, the asana can be used as a mindfulness practice that develops one’s awareness. This grants the yogi the ability to practice some of the subtle aspects of yoga such as dharana (concentration, focus) and dhyana (meditation). If a practitioner is fortunate and determined then this path will result in samadhi (profound meditation or union between the observer and the observed). 

Alignment principles can reduce the risk of injury, but certainly do not eliminate them. Injury can occur during asanas if one is not fully engaged in what is happening at the present moment. The key is practicing contentment and acceptance of where your practice is, and what your body is ready for in the present moment while continuing to delve deeper.

Asana is a wonderful place to begin our practice of self study. Asana initially deals with the physical sheath of the self, the annamaya kosha. However, if you set the correct intention and are keenly focused you can begin to observe the way in which the adjusting of the physical sheath requires the mental sheath (manomaya kosha) to participate, and how these adjustments affect the pranamaya kosha (energetic sheath). The adjustments that a practitioner makes are continually in the process of refinement, and become simultaneously more subtle and profound. This builds wisdom, and a greater understanding of our true self while using asana as the platform.

15 minutes is a rather short amount of time to spend of a posture as complex as Tadasana. As a yogi stays in the posture it is important to observe the physical, mental and energetic changes that occur over time. Does the body become heavy or revert to previous habits? Does the mind begin to rebel and categorize the work as “boring”?This yoga stuff is tough work and sometimes understanding how to work with that which is the most difficult can be the most rewarding and insightful in a lifetime of sustained practice.

The concept of everyone having unique anatomy is interesting. I do agree that each individual has had different life experiences and genetics that have created a unique physical and mental body. However, except for a small percentage of people with anatomical abnormalities, people have the same number of vertebrae with similar desired curves of the spine, and a similar shape to the bones of the arms, legs, ribs, pelvis and skull. As a yoga teacher it is important to observe a student’s current alignment to help guide them towards adjustments that will serve their individual needs to resolve pain, promote well-being and allow the mind to focus with less effort.

Yogic knowledge has always been intended to be transmitted from teacher to student. Yoga class can be an opportunity for students to practice with a teacher providing verbal cues, and yes sometimes these alignment cues can be many. However, yoga class deserves to be different than an individual’s yoga practice. When you are being guided by a quality teacher, they can verbally or manually direct the student towards a profound experience where the student gains insight into their blind spots and weaknesses on many levels. That information that the student receives must then be taken and transformed into knowledge and wisdom by practicing what has been taught and coming to their own conclusions through the fires of one’s own practice.

At any point in time in a practice a posture is correct and incorrect until the practitioner is able to practice in an uninterrupted state of samadhi. Then the practice becomes completely correct. Until that time there is always work to be done and a greater awareness of the self that can be gained. This, in my opinion, makes an alignment-based practice truly a practice of the curious seeker that is dedicated to building greater wisdom. 

A Way of Travel

Aurora Borealis, 2012

Aurora Borealis Timelapse, January 2012

Dharma Posters: Philip Askew

Check more of these videos out on Philip Askew's Youtube Channel:

http://www.youtube.com/user/whoaskew2?feature=watch

Breath Beard, Dristi Eyebrows

More yoga art by Boonchu Tanti on his Flickr Stream:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/boonchutanti/

BirthMarkings

Learning to love and accept out bodies.  This is the opening to a project by Margaret Lazarus exploring the changes in our bodies and the shift in our self image after giving birth.

Details of the complete project can be found at:

http://www.imow.org/economica/projects/story?key=6572

Thanks to Chelsea Kouns, a local passionate Asheville doula and friend, for passing this on.  Chelsea (among many other titles) is the program director for Start From Seed, "A comprehensive, community based program rooted in the intention of increasing the quality of care women receive before, during and after pregnancy."

 http://www.startfromseed.org/#! 

I Feel So Wonderful...

I played this during savasana in today's AYC class.

Baby Boomers Boomin'

Looking to my elders for guidance and inspiration:

B.K.S Iyengar  93 yrs old.

"If you have a knife that you do not use, what happens to it?  It gets rust, does it not?  If you want to go on using it, you have to sharpen it regularly.With regular sharpening, you can keep it sharp forever. "

-Iyengar "Old Age" The Tree of Yoga

Tao Porchon-Lynch Age 93

Tao has been teaching for 45 years and practicing for 70.  "I am still a yoga beginner. I am still learning," she says.

Betty Calman, 83 yrs old

 'Yoga keeps you young... Never have I gone to a yoga class and wished I was somewhere else, because I know I'm going to come out feeling on the top of the world. There'll always be yoga.'

Source for quotes and images: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/1-3674-0/6-Inspirational-Yogis-in-Their-90s.html

Breakin it Yoga Style

Ladies and gentleman, Alex Yde...DAYUM.  Yoga Breakdancing.